Wednesday of Holy Week
Reading 1 Is 50:4-9a
Gospel Mt 26:14-25
Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?" He answered, "You have said so."
I laughed hysterically at a video I saw on FaceBook of a woman with a chewed slipper confronting her two dogs; one stayed firm, resolute, tail wagging while the other seemed to squirm, avoid eye contact, and tried to duck out of sight. That one certainly looked guilty.
Humans are a different lot however: before the eyes of an omniscient God, we still put up our pretext of innocence. Adam tried it - "it was the woman you gave me", shifting blame on both the woman and God himself. Cain tried it - " am I my brother's keeper?" and now Judas looks Jesus in the eye - "surely it is not I, Rabbi?"
Why is it that words of repentance seem to struggle in escaping our lips? "I did it, I'm sorry" are some of the hardest words to say either to God or one another.
Jesus' heart suffered because he knew all their betrayal: who did not hand him over would deny him, abandon him, watch him suffer and die from a distance. Yet he probably suffered even more for Judas , not only because of the betrayal but in realising that his disciple had gone astray from him.
His heart suffers still at our betrayal, our denial. But as he gazes down on me from the cross, calling me back to him, I can only speak the truth that will set me free: "yes Lord I did it, I'm sorry".
The Season of Lent is a special time for us to slow down, look inward and make the necessary changes to truly become an Easter people.